Invitation to a masked ball

Friends, allow me to invite you to the 2021 Pandemic Ball!  There will be music, but more distancing than dancing.  On one side of the room the crowd will be wearing masks, putting their faith in science.  On the other side of the room there will be no masks, but plenty of protest signs over the loss of civil liberties.  I wonder if anyone would protest against wearing a mask if people believed COVID would make you a zombie? The conavirus is still spreading but they remain unconcerned, believing the whole Covid pandemic is actually fake news. (Rupert, our country has so much to thank you for.)  They will be armed and all-too-willing to shoot if you try to convince them otherwise.  Now before you object to gun ownership, there’s nothing wrong with the 2nd Amendment.  Only the 3rd Amendment should be that your IQ must be higher than your dog’s in order to own a weapon.  And if wearing a mask is such a bad idea, the next time you have surgery, tell your doctor not to wear one.

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Trump, Carson or Cruz?

Someone shared a link asking which of these three would make the best Prez, which inspired this reply from me:

If Trump becomes Prez, the White House will be renamed the Trump Capitol Casino, hair implants will now be covered by Medicare and topless women will walk the floors of Congress selling Keno tickets between votes. If Carson becomes Prez, the National Anthem will be replaced by Aretha Franklin’s “Respect”, and the military will double as a delivery service. Whenever you order a large pepperoni meal deal, it gets delivered by your choice of an M1 Abrams tank or an Apache attack helicopter. God help you if you forget to tip the driver!

If Canadian born Rafael “Ted” Cruz becomes Prez, he will merge the U.S. with Canada in order to form a new supernation, Canuck. The new currency will be the Loon and the current President’s Day holiday will be replaced by Fidel Castro Day, to honor his father’s military service fighting for Castro.

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Woman loses her head

A woman was beheaded by a former co-worker in Oklahoma City. The man had been dismissed for trying to convert fellow employees to Islam. Just goes to show you how stupid American muslims are. You’re supposed to stone women to death.

http://news.yahoo.com/police-woman-beheaded-oklahoma-workplace-144459291.html

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Dear Mr President

Before the NFL Draft, Michael Sam and I both confessed our sexual preferences to the media. I admitted that I had a foot fetish. and he said he was a homosexual. He got drafted by the Rams, and a phone call from the President. I didn’t even get a call from Michele. That is so totally unfair. What could Obama possibly have to say to Sam anyway… Congrats, son, way to spread those cheeks?
I just don’t understand. Why should someone get special treatment over me, just because they are a sodomite?

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Hot new satire Corporate America: A Novel

Thank You For Smoking meets House of Cards in this fast-paced, sharp satire about the business world. After aspiring novelist Francis Scanlon is expelled from a prestigious graduate creative writing program, he is forced to become a spin doctor at the Prock Chocolate Corporation while he awaits the publication of his masterpiece. But Francis’s expectations of easy money and literary glory are thwarted by a paranoid boss determined to run him out of the company, a charlatan writing coach, a snarky reporter, a sanctimonious public health crusader more Goebbels than Gandhi, an oily U.S. Senator with presidential aspirations, and a radical Muslim cleric with absolutely no sense of humor. As the story unfolds in San Francisco, Washington, New York, Krakow, Mumbai, Jakarta, and a series of lush equatorial corporate jet refueling stations, Francis is swept up by market forces and transformed from pretentious literary cliché to reluctant executive to master practitioner of the black art of corporate power-politics. The story ends up, rather unexpectedly, as a surprisingly sweet romantic comedy as well. A unique exploration of the way business, politics, career trajectories and interpersonal relations intermingle, Corporate America is a smart, literate comedy that deftly blends bone-dry satire, high ideals and bad taste without ever showing its seams.

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Future of America for sale

I heard the employees on the Tonight Show, one of the most popular and successful shows on NBC, were forced to take a 10% pay cut.  This is a warning signal!  It’s only a matter of time before everyone in America takes a pay cut, if they haven’t been forced to do so already over the past few years.  The wealth gap continues to grow at a startling rate, with no sign of reversal.  There is a class war going on, and the middle class is losing.  Our children will struggle to stay out of poverty, with the added burden of a staggering national debt.  Mega-corporations (we used to call them monopolies, and they are supposed to be illegal) and the men behind them are now so powerful that they are taking control of the election process.  Money, not votes, decides who runs this country.  Millions are being spent by private groups seeking to control the elections.  When’s the last time someone who wasn’t a millionaire was elected to Congress?  How is this Democracy any more?  Organized and well-funded efforts are underway to change the laws in every state allowing even more money to flow into political races, led by groups such as Karl Rove’s Crossroads GPS.  Even more dangerous is their movement to repeal the 17th Amendment, which gave the people the right to elect their own senators.  Before that, senators were actually appointed by the states (only the process was so corrupt, a constitutional amendment was passed to fix it).  Do you want only the rich & powerful to decide who will speak for you in Washington?  Without your opposition, America will fall to these carpetbaggers and robber barons.  Support a constitutional amendment to stop PAC money now.  Start up petitions in your neighborhood.  Write and email every elected official you can think of… and keep your fingers crossed.

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Warning- National Hay Emergency Alert!!!

 

Warning!  A National Hay Emergency Alert has been issued.  Seek a place of safety immediately.  Citizens are warned to take all precautions.  Beware over-sized vehicles smuggling cheap hay and attempting to pass it off as “government hay”.  Be on the lookout for extreme grazing.  Gangs of rogue livestock have been seen in suburban areas; shrubbery losses have been devastating.  Fern Spindlewick, a 72 year old grandmother from Polk County, said,”I woke up and my entire home garden was gone…just gone! Now how am I going to put up any canned cream corn this year?” 
 Homeowners that find cattle or other livestock browsing on their lawns are asked to inform the authorities.  Do not attempt to interrupt their feeding as frightened herd animals may create local clouds of flammable methane gas, which authorities blame for several outbreaks of wildfires across Oklahoma.    

Did you know…  Spontaneous outbursts of flatulence are the #1 cause of wildfires?

 

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Top ten things you never want to hear about your presidential candidate

1. His most important career goal is finding Bigfoot
2. He attended an Ivy League school (both Bushes went to Yale and Obama to Harvard… Need I say more?)
3. Thinks the theory of evolution is a bigger hoax than global warming
4. Named all his kids after road signs
5. Is a member of the Bush family tree…  Seriously, one more Bush in office and we might as well start calling this country New China!
6. Spends more time in men’s rooms than Sen. Larry Craig
7. Thinks book burning is a fun family activity, second on the list to building a witch pyre.
8. Thinks the Oval Office is really named the Oral Office
9. Believes the next US state will actually be a colony on the moon (google the National Aeronautics and Space Policy Act of 1981).
10. Makes major economic policy decisions using a Magic 8 Ball.

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Trickle-down economics really a King maker

The current economic policy is effectively a war on the middle class. It sounds shocking, so why is it true?  Because trickle-down economics is really the same centuries-old economic policy of a monarchy.  Giving everything to the wealthy is no different than giving everything to a King and his nobles, and any crumbs that fall off the table (trickle-down) go to the peasants (everyone else).   Until America was born there really was no middle class.  You either lived like a god or like a slave.  People had no personal rights at all.  So how has this all happened?  Clever people have hoodwinked the public by giving this fundamentally unfair policy the name of a beloved president.  They simply don’t realize that Reaganomics is just a shiny new name for the same oppressive system that kept the entire world almost completely in servitude for centuries.  The longer we allow global corporations and the mega-rich to steal our birthright and corrupt the democratic process, the more endangered the American Dream becomes.

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Cain quits campaign for silly reason

Herman Cain just withdrew as a candidate for President.  Why?  Just because he cheated on his wife and lied about it?  Isn’t that a prerequisite for running for office?  Wait… you mean he isn’t secretly gay?  Then what the hell is he doing running for office as a Republican?
The Newt has suddenly risen in the polls.  Does he seriously think he can get into office with his baggage?  Perhaps he’s twice as qualified as Cain, because he had at least two affairs…  I smell a Vice-Presidency!

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